American Idol: Slash Plays “School’s Out,” Broadway Style. Paula Lip Synchs. Eyes Roll.

Above: Alice Cooper performs “School’s Out” with actual muppets (on the Muppet Show)!
Video: Last night on Idol, Slash played “School’s Out” with Idol pop puppets.

Hey, remember when Slash and Guns’n'Roses used to strike fear into the hearts of over-protective parents with sex, drugs, tattoos, rock’n'roll and stuff like that?

Yeah, those days are over. Last night Fox was broadcasting live as one more nail was driven into rock’s coffin.

It’s only rock’n'roll, but even Mick Jagger must’ve been rolling his eyes at the TV as Slash posed his way through an embarrassing version of Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” during a stomach-churning group number on American Idol last night.

Actually, it’s difficult to decide which was more embarrassing: the clueless Idol kids singing rock’n'roll Broadway style, or Slash and his troupe of dusty old guys with bad dye-jobs and too much eyeliner pretending they were in on the joke. Maybe Axl was the cool one after all?

We’re not sure how, but these “top” Idol contestants pretty much wrecked this song–which is tough to ruin! Let’s face it, Alice Cooper isn’t much of a singer (and we’re pretty sure Slash isn’t really much of a guitarist-he just lucked into a sweet Les Paul and an iconic/cartoonish image).

During the commercial break, the Idols tried to sell us a car or a soda or something while singing an ultra-glossy version of All American Rejects‘ pop-emo hit “Move Along,” that was somehow even blander than the original. Good job, Idol.

Also during the show (or the few minutes we actually managed to stomach), Idol judge Paula Abdul hit the stage to poorly lip-synch her horrendous new dance song, “I’m Just Here for the Music.” Featuring creepy, age-inappropriate lyrics like “I’m just here to dance/I didn’t meant to turn you on…but I might need a ride home,” the middle-aged nutball danced around the stage and gave us the creeps with her Kanye West-esque vocals.

Ryan Seacrest kept threatening viewers with the idea of a newly-reunited No Doubt hitting the Idol stage, along with former Idol contestant Chris Daughtry’s band, Daughtry, but we didn’t make it that far.