Bonotheism and Bono’s Elvis Poem Blur Line Between Reality, the Onion

Above: If U2’s nightmarish “Get On Your Boots” didn’t scare you away from the radio, Bono is hitting the airwaves with something even more frightening…

Once again, reality and the Onion have come too close for comfort.

Last week it was reported that U2 leader Bono will be the subject of a CNN program dubbed Bonotheism during which Bono, “illuminates the path to righteousness in [a] new weekly program…” intertwining music and theology.

Last week it was also reported that Bono will take to the airwaves to read a 10-year-old poem he wrote about Elvis.

So which one of these stories is true?

While Bonotheism is, thankfully, an invention of the Onion, the Elvis poem is a reality.

In case Bono’s recent eyeliner-heavy makeover wasn’t scary enough, or “Get On Your Boots” didn’t frighten you away from the radio, the U2 frontman is hitting the airwaves to try his hand something even more polarizing than pop music: poetry.

Wednesday May 13, BBC Radio 4 will broadcast the singer’s reading of his Elvis-themed poem (along with various interview snippets and “soundscapes”). The work is over a decade old, but producers hadn’t yet figured out a reason to air the poem. Luckily, it is the start of “poetry season” on BBC, making this the perfect time to put Bono and the King in the spotlight, together.

Excerpts of Bono’s poem reprinted by AP, report that the work combines elements of Elvis’s own lyrics (”Mystery Train”) with Bono’s seemingly adolescent sentiments such as, “Elvis invented the Beatles” and “Elvis woke up my heart.”

Bono makes our stomachs hurt.

While we certainly can’t deny the importance of Elvis (still awesome), we also can’t deny the overstated importance of Bono (not awesome). C’mon, we can’t possibly be the only ones who are tired of hearing or reading every thought that ever crossed this guy’s mind.

What’s next? Maybe Bono will do interpretive dances of his old grocery shopping lists.

Enough already!