The first rule of Fight Club is “Don’t talk about fight club,” but maybe it should be “Don’t make a musical about fight club.” Just don’t tell author Chuck Palahniuk or Trent Reznor.

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The acclaimed author, along with film director David Fincher, recently confirmed to MTV News that they are in talks to develop a Broadway musical version of the popular book and film, with the (unconfirmed) possibility of tapping Nine Inch Nails master mind Trent Reznor as the musical director. While it seems unlikely that Brad Pitt will reprise his role on stage, the film did feature the inexplicably popular singer, Meat Loaf.

Meat Loaf and Trent Reznor? That’s far more disturbing than the original plot of the story.

Of course, this isn’t the first time a terrible idea has made it to the musical stage. And just because it’s awful, doesn’t mean it won’t be a smash hit—after all, Cats was performed for over 20 years.

Worst Musicals Ever

Hairspray the Musical
Filmmaker John Waters is an exceptionally creepy guy (with an exceptionally creepy moustache) whose films are often disturbing and difficult to watch. And we love him. Sure, this is one of Waters’ sweeter moments, a story using the power of rock’n’roll to address the issue of racism, but we just can’t get used to the idea of our moms singing along with Tracy Turnblad and the gang. And heaven forbid anyone should decide to check out some of Waters’ more controversial movies without knowing what they’re getting into…

Mamma Mia!
There are so many mysteries in life that remain unanswered—like why was Swedish disco-pop group Abba ever popular and why won’t they go away?

High Fidelity

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Nick Hornby’s ode to the romantic struggles of record geeks became a rallying cry for crate diggers everywhere. Then, Jack Black ruined the movie, which was pretty lame all the way around. C’mon, Lisa Bonet and Catherine Zeta-Jones? Whatever. In an attempt to further ruin any positive feelings the world has left for Rob and Co., Hornby’s story headed for Broadway, and ran in the opposite direction.

Sunset Boulevard
This is wrong on so many levels. Billy Wilder’s 1950 movie classic starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson was cinematic perfection. A bleak portrait of celebrity, and its fleeting nature, featuring a cast of actors whose off-screen histories only added to the beauty and sadness of the film. No one ever watched this film and thought, “This was good…but it could really use a dance number.” Well, maybe Broadway composer Andrew Lloyd Weber did…but clearly, he’s a dope.

Phantom of the Opera

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Much the same way rock fans are forced to pretend they appreciate Radiohead, so too must musical fans endure this mess of romantic horror (of course, the songs are much scarier than the Phantom himself).

Rent
Yes, it’s a moving story with a strong message and a groundbreaking decision to include an ethnically diverse cast of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender characters, but it still stunk. It’s ok, you can admit now. Two words “rock musical.” No thanks. The best thing about it is Stevie Wonder’s song, “Seasons of Love.”

Cats
“Let’s dress up in spandex cat suits and sing Andrew Lloyd Weber songs!” Enough said.

Would you watch the Fight Club musical? Leave a comment and tell us what you think!

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm and is filed under Broadway Shows, Rock Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.