Radiohead Sucks Top 10 Reasons
January 24th, 2008 by KarenA Few Good Reasons We HATE Radiohead. Admit it, you do, too…
Ok, this has gone on for far too long! We will no longer let Weezer-lovin’ hipsters bully us into pretending we give a rat’s ass about Radiohead. Join the revolution! Here are a few reasons we’re sick of this band. We probably missed a few thousand points, so feel free to add to the list (there’s a comments section below). In fact, we’ll probably add to this list later…but here’s what comes to mind at the moment.
10 Things I Hate About You, Radiohead
10. The Bends.
We all hated Radiohead when this album came out because they were just a bunch of British art-school jerks who got famous thanks to their ability to make bland, likeable alt-rock by stealing the quiet/loud dynamic perfected by the Pixies and Nirvana. Even though it wasn’t cool to like them, it was hard to deny that this album turned out to be the shining moment of ‘90s alt-rock drama. It’s not emo, but it’s riveting and emotional. This album spawned the great debate over whether this “Creep” band was actually worthwhile, or just another Bush…We hate it, because it made us love Radiohead and we wanted them to be our own little secret, because “Fake Plastic Trees” and “The Bends” made us feel warm and fuzzy.
9. “Just”
Seriously, what the hell was the deal with the video for “Just”? Watch it, and be annoyed once again by the mysterious force that causes everyone to drop down and sleep in the streets…A mysterious man tells us the secret—but you have to be a lip-reader to decipher it. Thanks, guys. Actually, he’s probably saying something like “Trust me…this band is cool now, but soon they’ll be over-rated art-rock wankers…” We didn’t believe it either.
8. Fratboys with acoustic guitars.
I don’t care how much your buddies say you rock—they’re drunk, and you’re dumb—you cannot sing the falsetto parts of “Creep” or “Fake Plastic Trees.” Please stop.
7. Thom Yorke’s wonky eye.
Seriously. What’s up with that? We’re not trying to be mean…but you’ve seen it, right? We love him like a broken puppy. We’re just saying. That’s all…
6. Two words: In Rainbows.
The revolution will be downloaded…for free. (Yawn) Nice try, fellas.
5. Ok Computer.
As much as we hated to admit it, Ok Computer was a great album, possibly better than the Bends, actually. It was dark, and scary and challenging and sad. It was like the Wall or Dark Side of the Moon for the Starbucks generation. We kind of hate Radiohead for not breaking up when this perfect album came out. It would’ve been legendary. But now, it’s just a footnote to their increasingly blah catalog.
4. We’d say Hail to the Theif…But we’re pretty sure nobody ever actually listened to it. It looks nice on our wobbly Ikea CD rack though.
3. Muse.
If it weren’t for Radiohead, Muse wouldn’t have anyone to steal ideas from. We really hate Muse.
2. We dare you to hum a song from Kid A.
1. Laser Floyd.
We hate Radiohead because someday they’ll be doomed to the same stoner fate as Pink Floyd by providing the soundtrack to a laser show at the planetarium. Sure, it’s fun, but stoners will love it—and stoners smell bad and we don’t want to hang out with them.
Seriously, isn’t anybody else sick of worshipping this band for no reason!?
Leave a comment and let us know what you’d add to the list.
Stay tuned for part two. Right now, we’re too bummed to think about it any more.
Relevant Tags:creep, in rainbows, RadioHead, radiohead download, trent reznor Share This
February 27th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Personally, I worship Radiohead for many good reasons. Including talent. And Hail To The Thief was a damn good album; 2+2=5 is a killer track. In Rainbows was fantastic, and I happily paid for it.
And by the way - Amnesiac was better than OK Computer or The Bends, IMO.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:08 am
u guys r rite! Radiohead sux! Keane rox!
May 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Does this make you feel better about yourself? Thom Yorke has more talent in his baby toe then you do in your whole body. Who are you to judge Radiohead when your someone typing that has down nothing in her life compared to Radiohead . You know what, you have to get Radiohead, and im starting to think the ones that dont are dumb people like you.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
So basically, radiohead sucks because you arbitrarily associate them with things you don’t like ( “stoners,” Muse, frats boys, etc.) And even if Radiohead’s music gets set to lazer shows, does that make a statement about the music’s quality? There are lazer shows set to Beethoven and Mozart! Furthermore, the only comment you made that actually pertained to Radiohead’s music was that Ok Computer and The Bends were good albums. What the heck???
June 7th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Muse is great! So both singers have tenor voices, big woop, they didnt “steal” anything.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Keane wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Radiohead…
July 10th, 2008 at 11:06 am
there is a distinct difference betwen not liking a bad’s music and a truly sucky band. Radiohead is a great band but they are not for everyone. I can understand why some do not like radiohead. I can not fathom how anyone can say they suck. They are so talented it amazes me.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Still don’t get “why?” people like Radiohead. They like Radiohead because its cool to like Radiohead? Or they like it because it makes them feel good?
August 6th, 2008 at 6:41 am
If I were you I wouldn’t listen to bands that I think suck.
It’s weird that you know so much about a band you hate, dude.
August 7th, 2008 at 5:51 am
well radiohead is..good. just good, but not great. i wont lie, i like listening to All I Need, but its not my fave song and i dont think they are as great as people say they are. kinda overrated
August 7th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Radiohead is good for many reasons. Their music has a sound that cannot be imitated. Oh and hey, Dan Damage, your stupid . Keane over Radiohead?
August 11th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
u guys r rite! Radiohead sux! Keane rox!
Is that a joke?
August 15th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Kind of disgusting how many people are blind to actual talent and instead decide to listen to the cookie cutter BS that MTV tells you to.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
If you don’t like Radiohead, you don’t get Radiohead. It’s like saying you hate football when you don’t know the rules don’t understand sports and have never watched a game. Get my point? It’s not music for the simple-minded or for the masses, it’s music for those who realize and appreciate the intricacies of music is an art. Thom Yorke is God in musical form. Accept that you don’t understand it. And wish that one day you will…it will change your life.
October 6th, 2008 at 7:15 am
a friend gave me a couple of albums of theirs the radiohead way, i downloaded them off him, and they are a pretty crap sounding band.
the albums were amnesiac and OK computer
October 25th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Radiohead rocks, B—–!!!! And this is coming from a black man. An angry black man. Angry that anyone would even dare criticize my beloved Radiohead. The Bends was awesome, OK Computer was genius, and In Rainbows is just their way of saying —– to all the detractors over the years.
Good day to all.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
If one does not consider Radiohead to be a great band, than what constitutes a group a great band?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:17 am
F@#! Radiohead
December 7th, 2008 at 6:14 am
Egh. Everyone has their own preferences and you should probably keep your comments to yourself if they’re not legitimate. What I mean is that you’re bagging on them for all the wrong reasons. There are some parts of them I don’t like but you guys only talk about the surface. What about their use of Chord Theory? Vocals? Creativity? I’ve seen no bands produce albums for free. Sounds like you’re just against the mainstream hit but theres a reason why they’re massively liked.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:26 am
BASTARD.
December 8th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Calm down people. This “article” is just another example of absurdist music snob-journalism. It’s not meant to be taken seriously, but simply to stir up the water and elicit extremist, fanboy responses that will be used to negatively portray the band in question - because “critics” like this one know, the quality of music is always the result of the quality of its fans…
It’s fun to make bogus criticisms of a band that is both popular, and brilliant. Why? Because it’s ironic. Irony makes for fun writing. People make trash claims all the time to the Greats like Zeppelin, Prince, Floyd, Rolling Stones, etc. They have fun pissing people off.
There are only TWO categories of individuals that could (legitimately) dislike Radiohead:
Category 1:
Individuals whose lives are so soulless and blissful that they can’t listen to anything but neurotic, bubble-pop music like The Killers or Vampire Weekend (not that they’re bad). The moment the individual hears music with so much as a minor chord, they get turned off because “it depresses them”. They hold a painfully rigid and primitive perception of what “happy” music is supposed to sound like - a nice jangley verse-hook-verse 4/4 time song. They’re incapable of understanding that thoughtful, melancholy, slow music can be uplifting. A complex listener, such as a Radiohead fan, will often times interpret “depressing” music as relieving, inspiring, and epic (Pink Floyd “Echoes”, and Chilli Peppers “Venice Queen” come to mind).
Category 1 individuals are people who use music as an accessory to their lives. - i.e. “driving music”, “party music”, “wake-up music”- the playlist generation if you will (Radiohead will probably be in their “sleep music” playlist). These individuals, more often than not, tend to use music to establish their personality. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of morons who use great music, such as Radiohead, to establish their image. However haters of Radiohead will ALWAYS fall into this category if not the second.
I believe that many Category 1 Radiohead-haters are really complex listeners. They just haven’t listened to enough Radiohead. Often times, loving great music is like loving a great wine. It tastes horrible the first time you drink it, but incredible after repeated consumption - one must develop a taste for it.
Category 2:
Individuals who judge music by how they judge its fanbase. People whose prejudice towards a band’s perceived fanbase runs so deep, that they’re unable to enjoy their music. A lot of people loathe the emo/hipster stereotype - and quite understandably. People who are depressed for the sake of being depressed should not be tolerated in society. However that doesn’t mean emo/hipster individuals aren’t allowed to collectively love good music such as Radiohead. I pity the Category 2 individual.
Tool is a classic example of the type of band-hatred of a Category 2 individual. I always thought it was wierd how a lot of people hate Tool, but could never give a meaningful, music-oriented reason why (aside from half-baked attempts to criticize the drumming or the slightly nasal-sounding vocals). No, the real reason 90% of people hate Tool is because they hate the kind of fanbase they associate with them (meat-head males between age 15-20). While stereotypes about Tool’s fanbase may largely be true, that doesn’t change the fact that they write elegant, venom-filled sonic epics.
The author of this article is obviously a Category 2 individual.
December 14th, 2008 at 11:52 am
What a shock, an article trashing Radiohead draws a legion of brainwashed, media-addled philistines in to defend their psuedo-intellectual crap rock-turned IDM I don’t know wtf it is. Face it, while The Bends and OK Computer were good albums, very good even, possibly even touching upon greatness, it all took a deep dive down the [drain] with Kid A. I’m listening to Amnesiac right now and omfg it’s bad. Get over it, Radiohead hasn’t been good for a while.