A Few Good Reasons We HATE Radiohead. Admit it, you do, too…
Ok, this has gone on for far too long! We will no longer let Weezer-lovin’ hipsters bully us into pretending we give a rat’s ass about Radiohead. Join the revolution! Here are a few reasons we’re sick of this band. We probably missed a few thousand points, so feel free to add to the list (there’s a comments section below). In fact, we’ll probably add to this list later…but here’s what comes to mind at the moment.
10 Things I Hate About You, Radiohead
10. The Bends.
We all hated Radiohead when this album came out because they were just a bunch of British art-school jerks who got famous thanks to their ability to make bland, likeable alt-rock by stealing the quiet/loud dynamic perfected by the Pixies and Nirvana. Even though it wasn’t cool to like them, it was hard to deny that this album turned out to be the shining moment of ‘90s alt-rock drama. It’s not emo, but it’s riveting and emotional. This album spawned the great debate over whether this “Creep” band was actually worthwhile, or just another Bush…We hate it, because it made us love Radiohead and we wanted them to be our own little secret, because “Fake Plastic Trees” and “The Bends” made us feel warm and fuzzy.
9. “Just”
Seriously, what the hell was the deal with the video for “Just”? Watch it, and be annoyed once again by the mysterious force that causes everyone to drop down and sleep in the streets…A mysterious man tells us the secret—but you have to be a lip-reader to decipher it. Thanks, guys. Actually, he’s probably saying something like “Trust me…this band is cool now, but soon they’ll be over-rated art-rock wankers…” We didn’t believe it either.
8. Fratboys with acoustic guitars.
I don’t care how much your buddies say you rock—they’re drunk, and you’re dumb—you cannot sing the falsetto parts of “Creep” or “Fake Plastic Trees.” Please stop.
7. Thom Yorke’s wonky eye.
Seriously. What’s up with that? We’re not trying to be mean…but you’ve seen it, right? We love him like a broken puppy. We’re just saying. That’s all…
6. Two words: In Rainbows.
The revolution will be downloaded…for free. (Yawn) Nice try, fellas.
5. Ok Computer.
As much as we hated to admit it, Ok Computer was a great album, possibly better than the Bends, actually. It was dark, and scary and challenging and sad. It was like the Wall or Dark Side of the Moon for the Starbucks generation. We kind of hate Radiohead for not breaking up when this perfect album came out. It would’ve been legendary. But now, it’s just a footnote to their increasingly blah catalog.
4. We’d say Hail to the Theif…But we’re pretty sure nobody ever actually listened to it. It looks nice on our wobbly Ikea CD rack though.
3. Muse.
If it weren’t for Radiohead, Muse wouldn’t have anyone to steal ideas from. We really hate Muse.
2. We dare you to hum a song from Kid A.
1. Laser Floyd.
We hate Radiohead because someday they’ll be doomed to the same stoner fate as Pink Floyd by providing the soundtrack to a laser show at the planetarium. Sure, it’s fun, but stoners will love it—and stoners smell bad and we don’t want to hang out with them.
Seriously, isn’t anybody else sick of worshipping this band for no reason!?
Leave a comment and let us know what you’d add to the list.
Stay tuned for part two. Right now, we’re too bummed to think about it any more.
stupid comments here says...
02.25.10 6:33 pm
some of the comments here are pretty embarrissing.
radiohead isn’t everybody’s cup of tea but it’s a bit unfair to say that they are a s— band. thom yorke has an amazing voice, probably one of the best of all time. he is a great lyracist too but far from one of the best. they are a little bit innovating in the way they change styles in their albums and how they make moody songs epic. they are really influencial but not one of the most influencial of all time. but imo, thom and the boys are one of the best songwriters of all time and they are my favourite band of all time and i do believe they are the beatles of today. they are just no way near as famous and recognised as the beatles.
but the best band of all time is the beatles and probably always will be purely because of their influence and success. they also made awesome music too.
the bends, ok computer and kid a are masterpieces and in rainbows is my favourite album ever. hail to thief is ever growing on me. i find amnesiac depressing but it’s good and pablo honey is ok.
and oh yeah this blog is sarcastic lol.
Alex says...
03.1.10 7:36 am
Thank you! Radiohead have always sucked - even more so than Smashing Pumpkins and equivalents since at least Smashing Pumpkins are obviously bad. The fact that Radiohead have created a canon for the next generation is a serious issue. With bands like Animal Collective being lauded we need to stop listening to this shit. Dark side of the moon was at least interesting. Kid A was Radioheads best album because Yorke didn’t sing. GYRAGH I spit in peoples faces when they tell me they like Radiohead. What ever happened to good music?
Mickey says...
03.1.10 7:36 pm
I don’t get it. I never will get it. Radiohead for my tastes is pretty much awful. There are hardly ANY redeeming qualities of any of the songs this band ever produced. I think it speaks to our culture for the most part. They are about as original as a cover band for Boy George, while people think the exact opposite. Horrifying vocals, with the most inane lyrics- again how do people consider any of their crap deep or challenging? Boy melancholy is so cool too? Ha. I’d rather listen to Jim Morrison mumbling incoherently while taking a dump, or even better read something John Lennon would write on a napkin just before wiping tartar sauce from his beard, than to have to sit and listen to an entire Radiohead album. I guess when I live in a country where a raving sociopathic rip-off philosopher who is quantifiably insane, such as Ayn Rand, can have a cult following leading all the way to almost every economic institute in the US, then I guess we can just crown Radiohead the new Beatles. Heck, call them Beatles and Floyd wrapped into one, while we are talking nonsense. Might as well make a farce out of such an analysis anyway. Radiohead just sucks, but if someone disagrees, I invite them to go listen to them in private and leave my ears totally out of it. For the love of god, there are hundreds of thousands of talented musicians and artists who will never get noticed, while freaks like this actually make money and gain fans from being awful. Oh well.
Alex says...
03.5.10 1:37 pm
Radiohead is a genius band, and your reasons for hating them, are pretty much pathetic. You can’t hum Kid A? I sure can, and even if it was impossible, I’m sure Hit me baby one more time s is a lot of fun, and easy to hum, but that doens’t make it good music. The video for just; dude, it’s just a video, and probably not their best. Watch the video for Street Spirit(Fade out), it’s stunning. In Rainbows is a great cd. After listening to it a few times, I became addicted, though Kid A is better, but still. On Muse, I have to agree, don’t really like ‘em either. Better than most crapbands these days though. And stoners are not smelly!
Bye duud, and I can’t believe how pathetic your reasons for hating radiohead were. Just hate them in silence. You’ll do a lot of people a favor. O yeah, Thom’s wonky eye. Who cares. I think Katy Perry is hot, but when she’s on, I enjoy my MTV on mute. Thanks.
thom york says...
03.5.10 10:04 pm
Sounds like a bunch of tone deaf miley fans.
ELBOBO says...
03.11.10 1:13 pm
Kanye…is that you?