Oh, for crying out loud, will someone please take the microphone away from Scarlett Johansson?!
Sure, she’s pretty when she’s all dolled up with her bleached out hair and anemic complexion, but someone needs to stop telling this girl she can sing—because she cannot.
We could also argue that she’s a bad actress (um, Black Dahlia? Vicky Cristina Barcelona?), but we’ll save that for another time.
In this age of digitally corrected popstars singing like boring robots, there is almost something commendable about singing in public despite any discernable talent. Almost.
Last year, Johansson released her debut album, Anywhere I Lay My Head, a misguided collection of Tom Waits cover songs, whose only noteworthy trait was that David Bowie sang backing vocals on one of the songs. Of course, far be it from the Thin White Duke to turn down the request of a pretty young actress.
Now, Johansson is at it again with a cover of a Jeff Buckley song that will be included on the soundtrack of what is sure to be one of the most horrible chick flicks ever unleashed upon mankind: He’s Just Not That Into You. A movie based on a book that was inspired by a line from Sex & the City? Run. Run now.
And, while you’re running screaming as far from the local theater as possible, don’t forget to cover your ears so you can avoid the ear-stabbing pain of hearing Johansson butcher Jeff Buckley’s “Last Goodbye.” With a piano.
Thanks, Scarlett.
Actually, it’s not nearly as horrible as the Velvet Underground & Nico-esque stuff on her debut album. But, now it sounds like a bad attempt at sounding like She & Him’s Zooey Deschanel or Cat Power. Think Norah Jones, but even more boring. Uh-huh.
Somehow, we’re tempted to blame Johansson’s whole awful music career on Sophia Coppola and Bill Murray, because people (wrongly) thought it was cute when Johansson sang some karaoke in Lost in Translation. At least karaoke is endearingly horrible. Johansson’s albums are just horrible.
Watch Jeff Buckley’s “Last Goodbye” video
Listen to Scarlett Johansson’s “Last Goodbye” here.
Should Scarlett Johansson quit singing?
Leave a comment and tell us what you think of her new song!
