Worst Country Music Lyrics this Week

Oh, Country Music, what happened?

When did country music become little more than bad pop music laced with steel guitars, affected twang and bad punchlines?

You used to be folksy and sweet like Loretta Lynn, sassy like Dolly Parton and just plain tough like Johnny Cash.

What went wrong?

Country music has almost always had a sense of humor, but in recent years, the joke is lost. The suits writing songs in Nashville don’t have a sincere bone in the bodies, and as a result, we’re left with soulless songs like these.

Listen to country radio for a few minutes this week, and you’re sure to hear at least one of these currently popular tunes. They’re trying to be cute, but are nauseating instead.

Worst Country Lyrics of the Week

Rodney Atkins—“Cleaning This Gun (Come on in Boy)”
Fun Fact: This nugget is currently topping the Billboard country charts.
What’s it about?: Atkins is a fella who doesn’t remember anything from high school except a girl’s father telling him he’d be up cleaning his gun while he waited for his daughter to get back from her date.
Sample lyric: “The Declaration of Independence, think I could tell you that first sentence, but then I’m lost.”
Why it’s bad: He admits to being uneducated AND armed with a deadly weapon. Sweet.

Brad Paisley—“Ticks”(video)
Fun Fact: Brad is married to one of the stars of the horrifically awful sitcom, According to Jim. No, not Jim Belushi, one of the girls.

What’s it about?: Taking a skanky barroom babe for a walk in the woods. Creepy.
Sample lyric: “I’d like to walk you through a field of wild flowers, and I’d like to check you for ticks.”
Why it’s bad: Um, is picking parasites off of your lover romantic? Well…maybe if you’re a gorilla. This song has been on our awful country lyrics list before.

Kellie Picker—“Things That Never Cross a Man’s Mind”
Fun Fact: Kellie was an American Idol finalist the year Taylor Hicks won.
What’s it about?: Men being oblivious and women being incurable needy.
Sample lyric: “I feel a little bloated/…Brad Pitt sure is sexy.”
Why it’s bad: Um, is Pickler saying she wishes her boyfriend was a woman, or gay? Weird.

Billy Ray Cyrus—“Ready, Set, Don’t Go”
Fun Fact: The song is about his daughter Miley Cyrus, AKA, Hannah Montana
What’s it about?: A father learning to let his daughter live her own life.
Sample lyric: “Painted this big ol’ smile on my face, to hide my broken heart”
Why it’s bad: It’s almost sweet, but it’s really just creepy. Billy Ray is leaching off of his daughter. The best career move this guy ever made was getting his wife pregnant. Good job, Bill.

Chuck Wicks—“Stealing Cinderella”
Fun Fact: There’s nothing fun about this.
What’s it about?: A guy asking to marry daddy’s little girl, hanging out with her dad and looking at pictures of her when she was a kid.
Sample lyric: “In her eyes I’m Prince Charming, but to him I’m just some fella
riding in and stealing Cinderella”
Why it’s bad: It’s just vomit-inducing in its sweetness. Remember when cowboys used to be tough and mysterious? Not anymore. Seriously, no man on Earth really says/thinks stuff like this…We hope. We’re embarrassed to listen to this nonsense.

Is country music getting worse? Leave a comment and let us know what you think!