Just as people will always slow down to gawk at traffic accidents, people will always enjoy watching celebrities (and non-celebrities) crash and burn in a horrible downward spiral.

This alone explains the success of all reality shows—and tabloid headlines (that’s probably why you clicked on this article, right?)—people want to watch other people fail miserably, destroy their lives and get tangled in controversy because it makes them feel better to know that someone out there is more messed up than they are.

With that in mind, you can’t help but wonder how long it will be before VH1 or some other group of bottom-feeders wrangle all of today’s hottest, most screwed up singing stars into a camera filled house/reality show under the guise of rehab.

Since all of these stars are often referred to by the media as “trainwrecks,” perhaps the show could take place on a train. We’ll call it Train Wrecks. Or maybe Crazy Train—but only if we can get Ozzy Osbourne to be the host and perform his 1980 hit “Crazy Train” mp3 as the theme song.

Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, heck, maybe even Lindsay Lohan (she did have a hit album afterall), could all pile into a train and spend time talking about their problems, resisting the temptations of the club car’s open bar. Along the way, the train could stop in various towns where the girls could do good deeds or lecture kids on the dangers of drugs or something equally heartwarming.

And now, for a quick look at the contestants:

Winehouse made a name for herself with soulful retro-pop songs such as “Rehab,” mp3 but has quickly deteriorated into a skeleton-esque shell of her former self, having recently been hospitalized after collapsing from what her father told the media was emphysema induced by smoking crack and cigarettes. Classy.

Spears has a list of woes too long to tackle, but highlights include shaving her head, being hospitalized for an extended time and shaving her head. Not to mention a “comeback” appearance on a horrible sitcom.

Lohan’s been in and out of rehab, posing nude for mags, failing miserably in movie theaters and taunting paparazzi with the notion of a lesbian relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson (whose brother is Mark Ronson, the ultra-hip producer behind Winehouse’s Grammy-winning album, Back to Black free mp3 downloads).

Hmm…I was kidding at first, but actually, this show just might work. Throw in the currently anorexic looking Courtney Love as the den mother/train conductor offering guidance to the girls, and this show is sure to be a hit.

Now, if a network actually comes out with Crazy Train I want a cut of it!