Above: Adam Lambert sings about mountains, hurricanes, dreams, cliches...

Ok, so if you were lucky enough to have missed last night’s episode of American Idol, you didn’t get to see the debut of American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi’s new song, “No Boundaries.”

DioGuardi co-wrote the anthemic number that is being used as the winner’s theme song for this year’s Idol competition. Last night the top two finalists both sang the song, in some sort of final showdown.

However, even more striking that the predictably predictable performances by Kris Allen and Adam Lambert was the actual song itself. It is a nightmare.

“No Boundaries” is filled with clichés and self-help sentiments so trite, they make Miley Cyrus’s teen self-esteem ballad “The Climb” sound deep by comparison (um, that is not a compliment).

Of course, DioGuardi and the rest of the judges couldn’t say enough nice things about the over-the-top song. Self-congratulatory? Yup.

Here’s a taste of DioGuardi’s handiwork via some of the cheesiest lyrics this side of an Aerosmith power-ballad.

If nothing else, DioGuardi’s nauseating ballad shows us exactly what Idol is looking for: bland cliches. Rhyming “pain” with “hurricane”? Fantastic. It sounds like a greeting card, and should wind up in the garbage just as quickly.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what professional songwriting looks like, enjoy.

“No Boundaries,” co-written by American Idol judge, Kara DioGuardi
 (excerpt)
With every step you climb another mountain
With every breath it’s harder to believe
Make it through the pain
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing
Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand
And show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries Continue reading »